Moron!!!!

The phone rings, I answer it and the conversation goes thus:-

Me "Good Afternoon, Dash of Colour"
Moron "My mate, right, he's a mechanic right, an he reckons I can git my bike painted for 80 quids innit yeah?
Me "That's nice of him to offer that to you."
Moron "Yeah, but, he's like a mechanic tho an he aint no painter man - you's de painter man and you's de one I want to paint my bike though yeah?"
Me "Really? And how am I meant to paint a bike for 80 pounds when I have no idea what the bike is, what small part of it needs painting for 80 pounds or any other relevant information?"
Moron "Ooh yeah right, it's a 'Amaha innit?"
Me "I'll take your word for that"
Moron "It's de black one innit yeah?"
ME "Again, without the aid of a crystal ball I am unable to confirm or refute your allegations"
Moron "Huh?"
Me "Yeah!"
Moron "Oh right, yeah, errr...it's a 'Amaha R100 black an I want it all painting red cos de black looks shit and not gansta enuff!"
(Yes, he really did say it's not gansta enough [enuff]!)
Me "A Yamaha R100, you say? Surely it's either an R1 or a 100, which is it?"
Moron, "A 'Amaha R1, de fousan ceecee big jobbie man, yeah?"
Me, "Okay, but to have the whole thing sprayed red is going to cost a hell of a lot more than £80, closer to £1,000 in all honesty"
Moron "FFFUUUUCCKKIINHELL - that's a lotta dolla man - i'll catch ya laters yeah?"

Then he promptly hangs up. I love my work sometimes

didn't fancy the job then?

Dream Machine would have sorted him out for £600-£700. And probably not mocked him on the internet.

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Lying outrageously on the internet since 2002.

Yesterday I received a text

It was probably the same guy

Here's the moron's number if anyone wants to congratulate the cunt on his language skillz


+447760293969

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onli mrns Us txt spk

So basically you have no customer relationship skills. That really is not good considering you have to interact with the public to get work.

Its quite possible that although you werent able/willing to "gangsta" his bike he may have been moved by a positive experience talking to you and you could have got work from his "bloods".

I shall be phoning sunday evening to discuss my requirements my good man, and I expect a better attitude by then.

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Sun headline

Economy on the up

AP turning down work

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The Cardiomyopathy Association a heart muscle research leader
http://www.cardiomyopathy.org

Accelerated ageing made easy

U woz wel rood to me, fuka.
Wtch ur bak omes, al pop a cap n ur ass.

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Wolf in wolfs clothing.

Gangstaboi wanted a full respray for £80, Ap says no chance.
Hardly turning down work is it?

Although he did say he wanted it ALL red so I suppose AP could have given it a quick blow over as it stood for that price.

And done a shit job to boot.

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non quod, sed quomodo

ClumsyZenMaster

Quality

If you'd have been at my old shop in Norf lahndahn you'd have been fluent in twat speak and bin able to offa im like loads of shit dat he cud av on is byk bruv innit.......ya get me. like some wikid cullers and flames and shit yeah, maybe sum krome on is rims and he wud deffo av some nitro shit; yeah mate some 400mph shit goin on...............sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet bruv.



Surprised you got one speaking like that up this neck of the woods tbh, usually they attempt to be all gangsta but can't get past the norfolk twang and end up sounding like they're from outer mongolia or somewhere equally as obscure

Ill paint it red for him for £80

Proper gansta bitch ass mutherfucka job I'll do too - Ill like do a spliff and smoke it while I wait for him to turn up and sharpen me chiv up proper like, then Ill stripe the cunt before he gets off his bike


Daft cunt will be well impressed it been painted in real blood from a random stabbing - until he realises its his and passes out


Eeezee life man

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A memetic hazard is a source of potential mental and psychic harm. May be transmitted through secondary media, such as pictures or recordings (or the internet)

Will the stanley knife be billed separately?

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The Cardiomyopathy Association a heart muscle research leader
http://www.cardiomyopathy.org

Accelerated ageing made easy

Nah maaaan - I will like leave it in 'im as part of the service innit


I aint no skank ass muthafucka, yo skank ass mutherfucker

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A memetic hazard is a source of potential mental and psychic harm. May be transmitted through secondary media, such as pictures or recordings (or the internet)

For clarity translated back into the original scummer..

Ooh arr I could paint it red for him.
I be doin' a proper job like...even stop for a bit and have me a smoke o some wackie baccie.. I got a carrot peeler somewhere which I may sharpen up and (in a proper cowardly scummer style) I gonna stab him while he is still on his bike...then pretend that its painted in real blood instead of dulux like all our own bikes and cars...

Can anyone get my donkey to start moving the compressor??

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Es mejor morir de pies que vivir en las rodillas

MC 004

Good job the bloke didn't call on a Sunday, he would have got a proper dressing down!

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www.lozart.net
Custom Paint and Airbrushing