Bug-Eyed Bellend Brachiates Between Borders: BBC Bestows Budget Balls-Up

Everyone's favourite hyperthyroid ocelot is on another piss-take, this time going from Sydney to somewhere. I'm afraid I don't really know the details, I just know that it is on our screens and has been for a while.

I'm a fan of Boorman. I like his affable style and he is certainly watchable and interesting, however I am starting to get a little tyred (sic) of his now typecast peregrinations.

It really is pissing down with rain on a boring Wednesday here at the moment and I am perhaps a tad envious that Boorman is on yet another fucking jolly at licence-fee expense. That's entertainment, right? Well, no. Not really. The value of the entertaining is reduced because every time I see his stupid beard bouncing around on a fucking rollerskating Panda, I just want to stove in the TV.

"Hi you guys back in the UK. I've just heard that you're all going to have to work for longer and get paid less for the luxury. You have my sympathies.....


...Later in the show, i'll be getting my carrot waxed by a skateboarding monkey and then me and my 200-strong crew are getting absolutely shitfaced whilst I finish writing my next film: Boorman on a Bender in Benidorm. Basically, for this film, my dad directs me getting ferociously drunk whilst I tour the bars of the resort on a Penny Farthing. Haha. Sounds like a right laugh and thanks for paying"

So yes, jealousy. I've penned my own sequel to his latest travel jaunt that sees Boorman being reunited in space with his buddy Obi-Wan via a large cannon and a lot of gunpowder. I'm currently in negotiations with IAM regarding funding.