Luke spotted a good looking girl. she was French, her English wasn't so good. Vickers stormed through this issue as usual. The girl displayed the kind of wide-eyed confused and boggly look I generally asociated with Germans. She didn't blink and kept looking from side to side for support, smile fixed, as she struggled to field very simple and very inane questions about her background, intent and nature of sexual orientation. Vickers kept his glass at waist height held firm against his mid rift,...

Mr Rooty Tooty

I was happily typing away on my computer and waiting for my spuddies to crisp up when I had a sinking feeling. I investigated it further...the cause? I hadn't prodded my potatoes before they went in the oven!!!!!

Running downstairs two steps at a time, I was expecting at any minute to have my kitchen wall bow outwards by a ripple of crushing pressure. Flung the oven door open, arm across face, to peek in and see two eeerily silent little potatoes. Evil in the red lit dark.
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Mr Rooty Tooty

Design flaws.

Who was it who identified the flaws in human design? I seem to recall it was either Rolls or Royce who pointed out that shins are rubbish, and various other ungodly oversights. To this list I humbly add the clacker...

Any animal that can injure, and possibly sterilise, itself by the simple act of seating is a real evolutionary dead end. I sat on a clacker the other day at work. Eliciting the kind of mournful groan normally asociated with an elk. When asked...

Mr Rooty Tooty

Cairnsey's phone has small touch sensitive screen. This necessitates the use of a stylus. I thought I was the only one that the stylus annoyed. It annoys me too much to be a reasonable concern. Some girls in the pub once said "Can we have your little pen?". Remains to his day the most sarcastic thing I've ever heard.

I think it's annoying as his hand will hover over the options for seconds, pinky out, as he visually computes where to go to next. It's the exact same effete,...

Mr Rooty Tooty

To be honest the whole burning his house down thing sounds way worse than it was.

I remember somebody buying a shit load of lighter fuel from the BP garage. We then ended up round Luke's. I reckon, possibly, that he was in bed and we tried to wake him up and failed and decided on a gag. Someone (Cairns or Tim) then poured a tiny amount of the stuff on his doorstep and failed to light it properly.

I only became involved at this point in a "Give it here! That's not...

Mr Rooty Tooty